When i lied to myself

I Wrote this about a year ago but as time went by i changed it and this is what it ended up being like after recent stuff that happened to me. I Also posted this in my facebook and a lot of my friends reacted to it letting me know im doing good so far :) which makes me happy. alright here it goes:

well, I’ve been thinking about how my life has changed recently, I’ve been meeting tons of new people that I already consider my friends, I’ve been also having so much growth not only as a young man but also as a person and a human. I’ve been also experiencing new things like sharing love to people and finally leaving behind a lot of ghosts and thoughts. Many things have changed and I didn’t see when it happened exactly. Now I know they’re true all those things you hear about life changes in just a moment and you realize when it already happened.

i remember when I used to be confused about a lot of things that now are clear, I use to think " when am i going to be ready to overcome all this or that", or "everyone keeps saying there is always a light at the end of the tunnel but I just can’t see the end of it or ultimately maybe there’s no such at the end", and then I lied to myself believing I would never be ready and i would never be happy. And used to wonder why if I’m a good person, bad things just keep happening to me?.
That, and dealing with either personal, financial or family issues I reached the point where I isolated myself from people and personal relationships in a self-protecting attempt to not get hurt again. As a consequence became numb, lonely, bitter and out of touch..

That is how life is, it’s not easy but it is a fulfilling proof of god in many different ways that can be raw and painful as much as great and wonderful. and even when it's been "tough"...making the assumption that I know what tough is... now I’m happy to know and feel that I wouldn't change a single thing from everything that's happened "for bad or good" because now I know I am the young man that I am because of all that. See? Same old story, somebody who has problems that ends up realizing its all good but this is another thing I’ve been noticing over the past few days: all Christians live the same spiritual experiences that include our feelings but with different situations but all paths lead to the father.
Bad things are hard to understand when they happen, and I usually question the good that happens to me because I’m used to sudden-turned out-painful experiences, but that is just because of the way my life has been like, but I guess what I wanted to say is, life is a luxury we can't afford to waste. I finally feel like I have nothing left to say about it, nothing to complain about and nothing left unsaid because I got out of my system all that saddened me.

for me, I have discovered, that the first step to start overcoming things is being completely honest with god and tell him how i feel about the bad and good in my life and heart and how I believe I should feel, also pray for god to answer and let me know my path. All is a test in this life and there's nothing wrong in falling to the floor or feel bad when things don’t go the way we want. Like they say, the real challenge is how you get yourself up. we feel like that because by nature or unconsciously we want to be in control and when something turns out different than we want we usually think that something must be wrong, but gods will is always done.

Yeah ive read once on one of my friends wall the following which was written byt a man who i had come to admire even though ive been around him for just a little while. my friend Joe Packard. he wrote this:

"When your soul is sick, one of the symptoms is blindness. Bitterness, for instance, is like a cancer that makes you blind. I had allowed hurt to make my soul toxic. From my end, I was sure that I was just becoming a realist. In fact, I was desensitizing myself. Why risk being hurt more? I didn't realize I was becoming blind to love. I couldn't see the people around me who really cared. Their sincere efforts went unnoticed. If you had asked me then, I would have said they weren't there. I look back now and realize I just couldn't see them, but they were right in front of me the entire time. Bitterness turned to skepticism, which turned to cynicism, which turned to emptiness of my soul. Bitterness is the enemy of love because it makes you unforgiving and unwilling to give love unconditionally.It is the enemy of hope because you keep living in the past and become incapable of seeing a better future. It is the enemy of faith because you stop trusting in anyone but yourself."

and i find this very true. i lost control at some point of my life, but now im trying to get it back, maybe it wont happen in the few next days or weeks but what matters now is that i have god with me now and that is the real important thing. so for the first time i would say im moving forward. im not stuck or numb-frozen anymore nor hitting dead ends.